Through winter's sleet
And desert's heat
The song bird bid ye go
Songs of vision like the sky
As falling stars like opportunities glow
But not one who you meet
Or passes by
Neither elements released upon your back defeat
Nor persuasion convince you or from your dead hand pry
The endless glory of our lover for I can't help but what I live for, die.
11-30-10

The elaborations on the points of the things that I learned during the Fasting LTE and mentioned last post

Fasting LTE

Friday evening the 2nd of the first 3 day fast I have ever done, I was subconsciously discouraged after wrestling with my mind on various heart and personal motivations.
I started reading through Colossians, I had an unexplainable quiet joy that led me to realize that when I eat food, I am not satisfied but when I read God's word, It refreshes and encourages even If I don't know why. I told myself before I went
into the session that even if I got nothing else from God during the LTE all weekend, I could hold on to the fact that God is the only satisfaction.

When I was trying to figure out how to connect with God, I was feeling condemned By all the sinfulness habits I needed to destroy and the Godly habits I needed to bring to life. I felt distant from God. I was getting a little frustrated because we were being encouraged during sessions to press in deeper and I was just wanting to know how I was supposed to press deeper. Saturday evening I fell to my knees in dry discouragement and announced to God that I was giving him everything. It was so hard for me to do. I knew somewhere deep within that nothing else will do, or be. I am praying that God will help me be continuously bringing it all to Him.
Thinking through it, reading the Bible, getting wise council and listening to a speaker at one of the sessions, through the Holy Spirit I was able to understood at a deeper level a glimpse of the value of the importance of being honest with God when I pray. Who am I trying to deceive or impress?
I later learned that there were 2 main reason's I was discouraged at first. One being, I focused everything I was doing about me and not God.
Two, Which ties in with the first is I was pitying myself. Similar to the start of ESOAL for me. If I want to hear from God I have to get my eyes off of everything and gaze upon His face.
Saturday after the 10 O'clock session I went off into the woods in the back 40 and found a place to read in the quiet of nature. I was so refreshed by the crisp cool air and the walk through the woods. Again, I find it hard to describe what refreshed me. I am unable to put my finger on what exactly it was or my tongue on how it did but spending time in God's creation, seeing deer, birds, squirrels, and insects and reading His word while talking to him did it.
The last thing I know I took away from the fasting LTE was that God refreshes, recharges, renews, and reveals by His Word and His nature in the most still and quiet situations not the busy loud ones so much. I am learning how to just quiet my heart before him, adore and listen.

Some inscriptions regarding the Fasting LTE

This is the first time I have done a 3 day fast from food and talking. I can wrap the experiences I had and the things I learned during the Fasting LTE into four points, which I have listed below.
I learned in a sense deeper than words, that:
I need to bring everything, every thought, every item and every notion of personal possession to God
I need to be honest with God in prayer
I need not focus on myself or pity myself but focus on God
Spending time with God in His Word and His creation is refreshing beyond explanation
I think that fasting is monumentally purposed for developing the proper mindset God wants a person to have. In my opinion, fasting is directly connected to getting closer to God because God wants you to be learning from Him and God wants not only to speak to you but He desires that you hear from Him when He is speaking and not just that but He wants it to change you and that change will give birth to healthy habits and a Godly lifestyle. So, in order to get closer intimately to God a person needs to spend time with Him and connect with Him by not only listening but responding as well and the only way to do this is to have the proper mindset which I believe God uses fasting for. Those who fast from food are choosing to put to death the deeds of the body in a way. I don't necessarily think that is what that verse was meant to portray when Paul said in Romans 8:13 that if you live according to the flesh you will die but if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the body you will live. I do think this verse is huge, but not for my specific point here but I will tie it in. Given that the average person wants to live, I am going to say that according to this verse we need to put to death the deeds of the body and not by ourselves but by the Holy Spirit that dwells in God's temples. Now, to put to death the deeds of the body, is stating that the deeds of the body, our sinful nature, need to die and we a supposed to kill these bodily deeds with the Holy Spirit's assistance. If something is put to death, it has no life and what brings life? Oxygen, water, sleep, and food. Now what if we took one of these life necessities away for a while in order to put the deeds of the body to death. As this occurs, a person might actually be able to still their soul and mind to a peaceful place of openness to God's voice. Therefore leading to hearing from God, which leads to change for God and A life lived in the Spirit with more receptiveness to God. If we were perfect we might not need to fast so much but since we are not a fast similar to this might be very beneficial every so many months/weeks.
The bible talks about fasting a few times that I can recall.
Isaiah 58:6 says "Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke
There is a story about where Jesus said "This kind only comes out by prayer and fasting" I presume, meaning that prayer and fasting will be important in getting a person from where they are to where hay need to be.
After all the words that can be said the greatest truth I came away with was that God is my only satisfaction.

God blesses us, so so mucho

I will be talking to no one but God for the next 2 and a half days.
My prayer is that He would allow me to see him in ways I have never seen Him before and learn His voice.
Bliss

Gauntlet ya

Gauntlet was packed with worship through music, great speakers, wonderful material, fast deep friendships and God's work in many people including me.  During Gauntlet, I had to deal with everything that I placed higher than God.  God cleaned up all known dissension and I confessed all known sins.  I got to a point where I was not exactly sure what to do.  I found myself amongst 300 plus other singing inters all with the general intention to worship God.  Something was void.  There was defiantly something that was holding me back.  I asked myself, “Do I have to be the camel aimlessly trying to fit through the eye of the needle?"  I thought, "Surely worship is more than this.  Surely the God over everything has more than what I am feeling."  Finally pleading with God, I fell to my knees and cried out, "I want to want to want you more than anything else. I want to come to you with everything.  When I finally got to the edge of myself, where I was trying to convince God that He needed to help me, He finally had me where He wanted me.  Knowing that life flows from naught but He, that is the real place I needed to be.  Of everything, I had to let go, and with everything I had to follow Him.  I was brought to tears letting go of worldly things that I loved.  Disappointed, I was when the 4 guys from my room were selected to go to the other dorm.  We were tight even if it hadn't even been 2 weeks and I would miss them.  I didn't really care for getting to know my new roommates at first.  I figured God knew I would have too much fun and not make time to study and get homework done if my roommates stayed.  Low and behold we are all getting along and connecting in ways I didn’t imagine.  Growing closer and assisting each other in all areas of life will continue to develop all of us. I think God will use me in my ministry placement to reveal His glory specifically through God answering prayer and revealing Himself to people more and more through obedience and humility.  I believe God will allow me to talk and minister too many of His designated messengers.  I think God will let me to be used by Him in the steps to get people out on mission’s trips.  I wrestled with much during Gauntlet and came to a place of peace and purpose in Christ.

ESOAL, another taste

God + ESOAL = Land of potential, decisions, opportunities, brokenness, testing and fertile ground for growth.  Here's an example of something I faced during ESOAL when Mr. Stoner was leading some after dark extracurricular activities.  He announced that one person could represent each company for a flutter kick challenge to possibly give their company a chance to sleep.  I thought to myself, "I have to do this, I will step out and be bold for once and let our company sleep or I’ll pass out trying.”  The one thing that I was not about to let happen was to watch another person stop when I know I could go further, especially if God has gifted me with a strength in that area.  This decision might have been made totally and completely with wrong motives but I was not going to risk a lady volunteering.  After standing, I was sent out to the battle ground with muffled cheers and scattered affirmation from those members of the Massachusetts Company who had enough energy and motivation to speak.  Once I reached the proper flutter kicking grounds, I dropped down into position on command.  The mission was complete 125 flutter kicks on the 4 count.  Whoever made it to 125 or lasted the longest would earn their company an immediate nap.  Seconds before the challenge began the facilitator standing over me commanded me to make up my mind on what my goal was going to be.  I pondered while my mind was thinking, "maybe I can out last the other guns."  In an unnoticed moment I decide not to quit, "125 is my goal," I thought to myself.  Sure, I was not 100% certain I was going to make it but my pride was fighting that thought.  I also though about the fact that I had never done 125 flutter kicks without stopping before, let alone on the 4 count.  The total number was 500 flutter kicks. To me, it seemed kind of heroic and maybe if I could live up to my social image of perfection we could get some sleep.  Quite frankly image is merely the seen and what is seen is monumentally microscopic. We have learned further on this whole subject of character vs. image in Habitudes and Ethics and Leadership.  On top of these 2 preponderances the feet of my mind stumbled across the endless debate of my heart and cognition.  I asked the ears in my silent thoughts questions like: What are my motives?  Who cares besides me?  I beat my body and commanded myself saying, “Let it go, you over-analytical, O.C.D., Skitsofrantic, bipolar, roller coaster of a satiation.  After being awake for the main proportion of 2 days I didn't care too much for thinking clearly because it would merely lead to me frustrating myself.  After the fact I think that maybe that would have brought me to the point of BAR and I should have stretched my brain more intentionally, more often.  Whatever the answer or motive, I was laying on the ground with representatives from the other companies within a rocks throw.  My mind racing like Jeff Gordon in last place at a self-sponsored race.

Next, the counting began, as well as the flutter kicks. Reaching 34, I started feeling fatigued.

At this time in my past workouts I would normally push myself to 40, 45, or possibly 50 if I was feeling really condemned and or proud.  But that was not an option in my mind this time because I was full and letting down the Massachusetts Company was not even on the menu.  So I gritted my teeth and grunted choppy utterances for strength to the Holy Spirit asking Him to give me His strength.  At some point between 34 and 84 kicks, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, invaded my mind with the encouragement that only a living, invisible, never changing, self existing, all powerful, all knowing God, could provide, whispering:  "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.  In that moment two things hit me: 1. I pity myself so furry much.  2. Look at what just crashed into the active running’s of my mind!  If the feeling inside of me came out in words it might sound kind of like this:  "Who cares if I feel sorry for myself, who cares if it hurts my pride? Who cares if it hurts my back! Man up, grow up, and live up, to all you have been called to, you, are, not, your own. You were bought with a price. Glorify God, you are, not yours."  When I had completed 115 flutter kicks the cheers rose louder and louder.  Even though my back ached from the previous hours of laborious excursion, there was a greater power within me, pulling me along.  I made it to 125 and someone in leadership told us to hold it for 60 seconds on top of that, if we could.  I am not my own.  I offered my body and all of my efforts to Him.  God sustained me to the end of the 60 seconds right as John "The bomb" Rockmore (a facilitator) told me I had to keep going.  He pushed me to the edge of myself as I know it.  Screaming that would generally cause pain brought relief in the agony of beautifully broken, reliance.  One of the sweetest and relieving sounds I had ever heard were the words that followed.  "Ok, you can let em down."  I learned that I need to honor God with my body not listen to the lies that grow self-pity.  God taught me through this that I need to trust Him, listen to Him, and love Him above all else.  If I could relive ESOAL, I would constantly choose joy in the Lord, kill my self pity, push myself harder and encourage more.  I would defiantly choose to be a "Bring It" again and use integrity always.  God allowed me to deal with many, many battles throughout ESOAL and I was tried in many ways, and no matter who I fought God won every time.

I am still alive

I enjoyed some football yesterday, basketball today.
The Bible is literally God's word. It's crazy think about it.
The Same Power behind the Words of God who spoke (the whole world), everything I know, see, think, feel and imagine, into existence have the same power as the Words in the Bible. Yet it is not the words but the fact of whose words they are.
God's words are powerful and The same power of God that spoke the wold into being lives inside of His children. Its quite mind smashing, if a person takes the time to engage their mind and hurt their brain over it. Because the fact that a person will never know everything is no excuse to not learn as much as possible, prepare that person for later events in their life, and continue to submit to the sanctification process. Now their are always balance and consistency pendulum equal Librium's that need to be put into consideration and acted upon.
All of this to say I have been searching, more than I ever have before, to hear God's voice. Through prayer, wise council, prayer, reading the bible, prayer, listening to the bible, prayer, prayer, prayer, listening, prayer, meditation on scripture, prayer, memorization of scripture, prayer, getting more advice, prayer, prayer, sharing, prayer and prayer.
I have peace about the decision I will make and God has been gracious and generous beyond what I understand. Looking back as of now, God has kind of taken me on a trust, wants, and
motivation seeking and discovering journey. I didn't even realize a lot of crazy things.
(more detail will be posted at a later date.)
This is a krazi but awesome lat 10ish days. I just flicked the biggest daddy long legs I have ever seen like 12 seconds ago. ESOAL update will be coming. I am writing a paper on it and I will get that paper posted once I am finished with it.
Life just never stops and says: "hey, you look stressed, why don't you try that again."
The tune that generally resonates from the lips of Life is something like: "I am a invincible frictionless object the doesn't have any breaks and can't be stopped but by God himself, sorry bro." So I stand. Sometimes walk, sometimes crawl, even sometimes I get to running, but forget the number of times I fall for though my enemy may knock me down I will rise. And though I am on the ground I will not give up, I will get up. There is literally nothing to stand on, nothing to hold on, nothing to look forward to...... But the only Thing, Self-Existing Being that never changes or goes back on His Word. He is absolutely words-cannot-describabble. And This will end with a question.
Since we no longer have a temple or a priest that has the only privilege to talk to God.
Do you want answers?
Do you want help?
Its really your choice. He hears. I believe with all my heart.
Have you ever taken advantage of the accessibility of God?