God + ESOAL = Land of potential, decisions, opportunities, brokenness, testing and fertile ground for growth. Here's an example of something I faced during ESOAL when Mr. Stoner was leading some after dark extracurricular activities. He announced that one person could represent each company for a flutter kick challenge to possibly give their company a chance to sleep. I thought to myself, "I have to do this, I will step out and be bold for once and let our company sleep or I’ll pass out trying.” The one thing that I was not about to let happen was to watch another person stop when I know I could go further, especially if God has gifted me with a strength in that area. This decision might have been made totally and completely with wrong motives but I was not going to risk a lady volunteering. After standing, I was sent out to the battle ground with muffled cheers and scattered affirmation from those members of the Massachusetts Company who had enough energy and motivation to speak. Once I reached the proper flutter kicking grounds, I dropped down into position on command. The mission was complete 125 flutter kicks on the 4 count. Whoever made it to 125 or lasted the longest would earn their company an immediate nap. Seconds before the challenge began the facilitator standing over me commanded me to make up my mind on what my goal was going to be. I pondered while my mind was thinking, "maybe I can out last the other guns." In an unnoticed moment I decide not to quit, "125 is my goal," I thought to myself. Sure, I was not 100% certain I was going to make it but my pride was fighting that thought. I also though about the fact that I had never done 125 flutter kicks without stopping before, let alone on the 4 count. The total number was 500 flutter kicks. To me, it seemed kind of heroic and maybe if I could live up to my social image of perfection we could get some sleep. Quite frankly image is merely the seen and what is seen is monumentally microscopic. We have learned further on this whole subject of character vs. image in Habitudes and Ethics and Leadership. On top of these 2 preponderances the feet of my mind stumbled across the endless debate of my heart and cognition. I asked the ears in my silent thoughts questions like: What are my motives? Who cares besides me? I beat my body and commanded myself saying, “Let it go, you over-analytical, O.C.D., Skitsofrantic, bipolar, roller coaster of a satiation. After being awake for the main proportion of 2 days I didn't care too much for thinking clearly because it would merely lead to me frustrating myself. After the fact I think that maybe that would have brought me to the point of BAR and I should have stretched my brain more intentionally, more often. Whatever the answer or motive, I was laying on the ground with representatives from the other companies within a rocks throw. My mind racing like Jeff Gordon in last place at a self-sponsored race.
Next, the counting began, as well as the flutter kicks. Reaching 34, I started feeling fatigued.
At this time in my past workouts I would normally push myself to 40, 45, or possibly 50 if I was feeling really condemned and or proud. But that was not an option in my mind this time because I was full and letting down the Massachusetts Company was not even on the menu. So I gritted my teeth and grunted choppy utterances for strength to the Holy Spirit asking Him to give me His strength. At some point between 34 and 84 kicks, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, invaded my mind with the encouragement that only a living, invisible, never changing, self existing, all powerful, all knowing God, could provide, whispering: "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. In that moment two things hit me: 1. I pity myself so furry much. 2. Look at what just crashed into the active running’s of my mind! If the feeling inside of me came out in words it might sound kind of like this: "Who cares if I feel sorry for myself, who cares if it hurts my pride? Who cares if it hurts my back! Man up, grow up, and live up, to all you have been called to, you, are, not, your own. You were bought with a price. Glorify God, you are, not yours." When I had completed 115 flutter kicks the cheers rose louder and louder. Even though my back ached from the previous hours of laborious excursion, there was a greater power within me, pulling me along. I made it to 125 and someone in leadership told us to hold it for 60 seconds on top of that, if we could. I am not my own. I offered my body and all of my efforts to Him. God sustained me to the end of the 60 seconds right as John "The bomb" Rockmore (a facilitator) told me I had to keep going. He pushed me to the edge of myself as I know it. Screaming that would generally cause pain brought relief in the agony of beautifully broken, reliance. One of the sweetest and relieving sounds I had ever heard were the words that followed. "Ok, you can let em down." I learned that I need to honor God with my body not listen to the lies that grow self-pity. God taught me through this that I need to trust Him, listen to Him, and love Him above all else. If I could relive ESOAL, I would constantly choose joy in the Lord, kill my self pity, push myself harder and encourage more. I would defiantly choose to be a "Bring It" again and use integrity always. God allowed me to deal with many, many battles throughout ESOAL and I was tried in many ways, and no matter who I fought God won every time.
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